Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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