Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
