Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I understand Curling. That high.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
