maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
