They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
