I accidentally had phone sex last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize