I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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