i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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