I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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