Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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