you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
