he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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