I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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