I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
