I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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