No stitches, just platelets and will power
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
