I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
