There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
