i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
