Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
