Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
