Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
