McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
