I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
