i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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