You made me cry and you don't even care
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
