Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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