Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
