so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize