I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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