i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
