I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
