i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
