i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
