ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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