you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
