all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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