i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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