Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
