Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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