the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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