Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
