I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
