I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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