I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There are leaves in my underwear?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
