why didn't you poke me back
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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