for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
