every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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