Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
