i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
