Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
