i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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