I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
