my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
