Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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