i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
