she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
