Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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