who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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