We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
