i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize