I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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