so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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