There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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