I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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