Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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