Sponge bath it is.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
