My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize