I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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